On All Things Nonbinary Gender


both male and female

In between male and female

different than male and female


Mere Abrams (pronouns: they/them/theirs) is writer, researcher, educator, and licensed clinical social worker who is helping the world understand that “the idea that there is male and female isn’t incorrect, it is just incomplete.” Mere reaches a worldwide audience through public speaking, publications, social media (@meretheir), and their gender support services practice,

Mere’s writings and work have been featured in numerous publications and media outlets, including The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Professionals and Parents Supporting Trans and Non-Binary Youth; Who Are You?: A Kid’s Guide to Gender Identity; Healthline Media; and CBS News. They are currently working on a pair of books for teens, parents and professionals on gender health and gender development.

They also have served as the Associate Director of Clinical Research and the Director of Community Engagement at the University of California, San Francisco’s Child and Adolescent Gender Center (CAGC), where they developed city- and county-wide programs for transgender, nonbinary and gender-expansive youth. They continue to collaborate with UCSF and other gender clinics across the U.S. on a longitudinal National Institutes of Health-funded study—the first of its kind—that measures the impact of puberty blockers or cross-sex hormones on children and adolescents. 

Born in the Midwest, Mere grew up in a conservative culture with very strict rules about gender. Mere was assigned female at birth, but always embodied both male and female traits. Without any language or information to understand the complexities of gender identity, gender expression, and gender roles, Mere spent their childhood and early teenage years trying (and struggling) to fit into the female box. After meeting a transgender person for the first time and learning more about gender identity, Mere gained a deeper understanding about the male AND female aspects of who they are. During their process of exploration and education, Mere found little information and few resources about nonbinary gender and how to navigate that part themself. This website was created to fill that gap in knowledge by providing you with a space to explore gender beyond the binary and learn about Mere's personal experience. 


Nonbinary is an umbrella term used to describe a gender that is both male and female, somewhere in between male and female, or something different than male and female. Although the word nonbinary has only recently entered mainstream vocabulary, nonbinary gender is not a new trend. Nonbinary gender has been recorded as far back as the 3rd century, when Hijras — people in India who identified as beyond male or female — were recorded in ancient Hindu texts.


Nonbinary is more than a word. It is an individual and collective experience of gender. It is a social change movement freeing everyone from the gender assumptions and stereotypes assigned to them. Nonbinary gender creates space for each person to acknowledge and celebrate the masculine and feminine without being defined by either one. 


Each person's understanding of gender is shaped by their culture and environment. Your surroundings set the tone for what you know to be true and possible. That goes for gender too. If the signs on bathrooms, lessons from school, and sections in department stores do not show us there is gender beyond male and female, how are we supposed to know it exists? The powerful messages society sends us about gender influences how we understand ourselves and others. 


Some of us simply know the gender we are while others need time to discover it through exploration. Each person has a unique experience of their gender, which can involve a number of different elements such as appearance (hair, clothing, accessories), body (parts, shape, size), behavior, and interests. While none of these things (on their own) define someone's gender, each is a puzzle piece that, when put together, reveals information about who someone knows themself to be. 


When I began questioning my gender, I wasn't ready to disclose my questions and feelings to family and friends. I didn't want to talk to anyone about them. To cope with my emotions and process my thoughts, I started to write. Writing quickly became more than a coping strategy for me, but also a chance to connect with and educate others.  The best way to gain understanding about nonbinary gender is by listening to people's stories. Here is a bit of mine.