am I attracted to you or do I want to be you?

I lived as a straight female for many years because of this question. I didn't know being the men I was attracted to was possible. After years of searching for myself in others, I realized I was avoiding coming to terms with who I am. It was only when I dated a transman for the first time that everything became clear; I was looking for my partner to fulfill things I wanted and needed to fulfill on my own. While this question is still a recurring theme in my life, I find comfort in knowing the most frequent answer is simply both.