girl's underwear: who knew I’d ever truly feel sexy in them
I remember buying my first pair of underwear from the "men’s" section at Ross. I nervously walked into the "men's" underwear aisle, anxious about the stares and questions I might receive. Eager to get out of there, I simply grabbed the first small pair I could find. They were gray Adidas briefs with a black thick waistband and white writing on it. For me, the waistband itself symbolized power, masculinity, and an expression/affirmation of my nonbinary gender. I felt more confident in these underwear- more like myself.
At a certain point, I wanted to communicate this newfound confidence and aspect of my gender to those around me. I began to sag my pants just enough so all the world could see the dark thick waistband I strongly associated with the masculine and male parts of me. I recognized I lived in a world that was constantly picking up on gender cues. I wanted to send a clear message about how I saw myself and how I wanted others to see me. After years of working to align my body, gender identity and gender expression through top surgery, testosterone, new haircuts, a workout routine, and clothes, underwear holds less of a weight. Now that I manifest and channel my masculinity in other ways, I more clearly see and accept that “men’s” underwear still don’t fit quite the way I’d like them to. So I switched back to underwear from the “girl’s” section and don't feel any less like myself or less masculine as a result; the only change is that I'm simply wearing underwear that are comfortable, fit properly, and function in the ways I need.