all along, the person I was trying to be was me

one of the most significant and empowering changes I’ve experienced since starting #testosterone is the ability to experience my inner self as partially male. Throughout the years I spent questioning my gender, I dedicated an inordinate amount of time and energy trying to “look” masculine. I figured if I could communicate to the world that I wanted to be seen as masculine, I would eventually feel that way. That never happened. For me, shifting my gender expression wasn’t enough. I didn’t just need to express myself as male/masculine, I needed to feel a deep sense of being male/masculine in my body and biology. I believe it is experience of having male hormones rushing through my veins, not just the physical changes others see on the outside, that helped bring a sense of coherence to my #nonbinary self. 

Mere Abrams