fomo with the guys at an early age
Growing up I had a hard time keeping guy friends— even though guys were most often the people I felt more connected to and looked up to. They were the friends I could theoretically see accepting me for me if only I hadn’t been assigned female at birth. I can only recall one or two guys in all of middle and high school who I feel saw me as a person before they did a girl.
In sex segregated spaces, when I was always grouped with the girls, I couldn’t stop thinking about what the boys were doing or what type of treatment they were receiving that was different from me. I never understood why it was so important for us to be separated and remember feeling like I was missing out. I probably would have preferred (and felt most comfortable) if all the kids were simply grouped together, but that was just wasn’t appropriate or allowed where I lived. As I got closer to being a teen, I learned one of the the only socially acceptable and rewarding ways to have guys in my life was if I dated them…so that’s what I did for many years. It's crazy to look back on these experiences now and have it all finally make sense