I change at my own pace

I take each new step in my gender journey when I feel the time is right. When first beginning testosterone, I remember feeling pressure to simultaneously change my name and pronouns. This is probably because it was common for those who knew I started T to automatically ask. Even though I knew people were asking out of kindness and acceptance, simply getting these questions made me uncomfortable and insecure. It made me feel like I wasn't trans unless I used a different name and pronoun. I had to continuously tell myself that I was doing this my own way and that was okay. When sharing aspects of my medical alignment, I felt like I was constantly coming up against this underlying assumption that if I started testosterone and got top surgery, I wanted to be male. This wasn't and still isn't true for me.

I was on testosterone for over a year before I made any kind of social transition. For me, starting T didn’t have anything to do with using new pronouns or a chosen name, it had to do with needing to feel more male/masculine on the inside. When I began feeling my body and gender identity align, I was able to start exploring using a chosen name and they/them pronouns. There are so many images of people on testosterone whose appearance and social identity change drastically in a very short period of time. That didn’t feel right for me. I am still very connected to who I was pre-transition and want to make each change at my own pace. While it wasn’t always easy to go slow, it always felt right.

Mere Abrams