it doesn't always begin with knowing who you are

sometimes it begins with knowing who you are not

I’ve been on #testosterone for nearly 2 years now. When I started this journey, I was more concerned with improving my mental health than I was passing as a dude. I didn’t exactly know how I’d feel about some of the physical changes, yet I knew I could no longer go on pretending to be a cisgender female. I never envisioned myself with facial or body hair. I started on a low dose of T so I could take my time with aligning my body and gender identity, being sure to check in with myself about feelings surrounding each new change. I notice the longer I’m on T, the more open I am to masculine changes I previously thought would make me uncomfortable in my skin. It’s just in the past few weeks that I’ve started seeing facial hair pop up. Even though I shave it, I am excited about the prospect of having a shadow of stubble one day. That’s not something I could have anticipated feeling at the beginning of this reality it's something I feared. 

As I change, I grow. As I grow, I now see my body grow alongside me…when for so long its growth felt like it betrayed me. 

Mere Abrams