It’s not all about being "ready" and "sure" -- it’s about being open to knowing and not knowing all at the same time

When I think back, I realize I was never really ready to start #testosterone. I was terrified from the moment I first considered the idea up until around my 20th shot. I was scared of not having control of the changes. I feared masculinizing too quickly. Will other people interpret this step to mean I am a guy (even though that's not how I identify)? Will my girlfriend still be attracted to me? Will I be attracted to her? Despite the fact I had a gut feeling this step was right for me, all of these questions raced through my mind constantly. Over time, I recognized I wasn’t going to get the answers to any of these questions unless I took the step to see what it felt like for for me to be on testosterone. I knew what I needed to do but simultaneously did not know what it would feel like to be ready to take that step— this inner conflict was confusing and kept me feeling stuck for quite some time. Before starting this journey, I had to become comfortable being in a place of knowing and not knowing all at the same time. That place is now my home and I'm very happy there.

Mere Abrams