we each come to understanding in our own way
last night my dad called me up to ask if I feel I am more interested in traditionally male gender roles these days (meaning since #topsurgery and starting #testosterone). I tried to explain that I don’t really see things such as financially providing for a family, being interested in investments, and fixing things around the house as being male/masculine. My interest in those things is somewhat independent of my gender. For me, these shifts in interest/behavior have more to do with age and circumstance than they do wanting fulfill a certain gender role. Yet he had a point— of recent I do see myself discovering new interests and occupying spaces that some may label as male. Am I more interested in those things because I finally feel comfortable outwardly expressing my male self? Perhaps. Perhaps those interests were alway there, but I didn’t allow myself to explore them prior to #transition because doing so would further outcast me as “different” from the rest of the girls…something I always felt inside but tried to ignore for years.
The fact that everyone can’t entirely understand how I see myself at this point in time doesn’t bother me. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have this discussion. I’m grateful to have parents who love me, accept me, and make an effort to understand who I am— even if it’s in their own terms.